Friday, September 18, 2009

Brick Walls

I think I'm done banging my head against the proverbial brick wall.  I want to just let life happen and enjoy the moment.  Too many things are out of my control.  Why should I be the only one who sees the truth about things?  Family and friends ask me for help and I want to help them.  More often than not, I am appreciated by my friends.  Family, however, continue to go along helter skelter, never learning that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of crazy!
There is another recurring dream I have, and it involves going up and down stairs in a huge building, I think it is a combination of all the schools I attended, and I want to get to a class or a meeting.  The problem is that sometimes the stairs to the floor where I should be, stop at a ceiling, or there is a set of stairs I should take next and I must climb up or down to them, which is not possible as they are out of my reach. That fact does not frustrate me, it makes me try to get to my destination another way.  I believe the dream is telling me that some parts of my life are out of my reach, and trying to get to them will be a challenge.  Well, all of life is a challenge.  One can be defeated at points in one's life, but one must never give up.  As the old song says "I never promised you a Rose Garden".  So, I'll still stop to smell the Roses in my "garden", but be aware of the thorns!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Eye eye eyes!

Take a look at those eyes!!!  Do you feel like they are looking right through you?  They are the eyes of Gene Hunt as Sam Tyler on Britain's Life On Mars.  I loooooved that series.  The American one is/was good.  The end of the US series was verrrry interesting and to me, the writers way of tying everything up, so that all his visions made sense, was excellent.
Now, if I could make sense of my life (before the final 'wrap up') it would be soooo comforting.  However, life is not given to us so that we could be comfortable.
 Life in the womb is comfortable, warm, and very safe.  Although we are alive before sliding down that birth canal, we are not 'living our true life'.  Looking back, I seem to have a vague birth memory and even, I think, a pre-birth memory of being in my mom's womb.  There were troubled waters (as a child I couldn't put a name to the waters) all around me and I had to concentrate hard to calm them down.  I recall a  'boo-boom boom' sound all around me, and now I suppose that was the heartbeat of my mom.  As to the birth memory, I recall dreaming that I had to make myself very small to get through a very narrow opening,  and I could see some 'light' at the the end.  It was imperative that I get myself to the source of the light.
These were recurring dreams as a child and they have stayed with me.
So, now that I am old and gray, am I longing for the safe haven, or I should I be looking for the best expericences I can get before 'lights out'?  Stay tuned........there will be further updates!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

FUNK ---Is that what I'm in?

I'm here looking out at the world with my  3-D glasses. The world is still the same, but it looks less threatening when it's reduced to 2 colours - Blue and Red. 
I'm still in some kind of funk.  My energy level sucks!  I don't know if my get up and go, got up and went or if it's lying around waiting for me to kick it in the butt!  I see all kinds of things around here that need doing, just can't seem to start even one thing.  I may be coming down after a busy 3 months of worrying and being far too involved with my friend's illness and perhaps at my advanced age I should cut myself some slack.  Only I feel like the Slack has turned into Sloth.  One of the seven deadly sins.  Hmmm what are those sins?  Let me see if I can remember some of them.  Greed; Envy; Sloth; Lust; ....the others escape me at the moment.  I'll be back when I can name the other three.